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Coping With Grief – What is Normal?

 

Understanding Grief: A Compassionate Guide to Navigating Loss

At Unique Rituals, we understand that grief is deeply personal. When someone you love dies, your emotions may feel overwhelming, confusing, or even contradictory. There is no “right” way to grieve—only your way.

What Influences Grief?

Grief is shaped by many factors, including:

  • Your relationship with the person who died
  • The circumstances of their passing
  • Your personality, cultural background, and spiritual beliefs

Whether the loss was sudden or expected, the emotional impact can be profound. You may feel shock, numbness, sadness, anger, or even relief. All of these are valid responses.

There’s No Timeline for Grief

Grieving isn’t something you “get over”—it’s something you learn to live with. You may have thought you were prepared, especially if your loved one had been ill. But even when death is anticipated, it can still feel like a shock.

You might:

  • Feel numb or detached
  • Cry every day—or not at all
  • Worry that your emotions are “wrong”

These are all normal. Grief is not linear, and it doesn’t follow a schedule.

Physical and Emotional Symptoms of Grief

Grief can affect your body as well as your mind. You may experience:

  • Sleeplessness or fatigue
  • Loss of appetite or overeating
  • Headaches, low immunity, or physical pain
  • Anxiety, brain fog, or a sense of emptiness

Taking care of your basic needs—eating, drinking water, resting—is essential. Be gentle with yourself. Even small acts of self-care can help you feel more grounded.

What Is Profound Grief?

For some, grief becomes all-consuming. You may feel:

  • A loss of joy or interest in life
  • That every day feels grey, even when the sun is shining
  • Physical pain or illness linked to emotional distress
  • That life feels like mere existence, not living

This is known as profound grief. If this resonates with you, you are not alone. One way to begin processing these feelings is to revisit the day your loved one died—allowing yourself to feel the pain, then gently setting it down again.

Why Grief Can Feel Isolating

In the UK, grief is often a private experience. Many people don’t know what to say, so they say nothing at all. This silence can make you feel invisible or unsupported.

But here’s the truth: saying something—anything—is better than saying nothing. A simple “I’m so sorry” can mean the world to someone who is grieving.

Grieving a Complicated Relationship

If your relationship with the person who died was difficult, your grief may be layered with guilt, anger, regret, or confusion. You might grieve not just the person, but the relationship you wish you’d had.

This too is normal.

Ask yourself:

  • What was our relationship really like?
  • How do I usually cope with emotional pain?
  • Who can I talk to about this honestly?

Speaking with a trusted friend or a professional counsellor can help you untangle these complex emotions.

Gentle Ways to Cope with Grief

There’s no quick fix for grief, but there are ways to support yourself:

  • Take one day at a time
  • Keep a simple routine—get up, get dressed, and show up for yourself
  • Go for a walk, even if it’s just around the block
  • Rest when you can, and try to eat nourishing food
  • Join a grief support group to connect with others who understand

Above all, recognise what you’re going through. You are not broken—you are grieving. And healing begins with acknowledging your pain.

You Are Not Alone

At Unique Rituals, we believe in honouring every journey through loss. Whether you’re planning a personalised funeral, seeking support, or simply looking for understanding, we’re here to walk beside you.

 

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Scattering Of Ashes

Honouring a Loved One: Meaningful Ways to Scatter or Keep Ashes

Saying goodbye to someone you love is never easy. At Unique Rituals, we believe that every farewell should be as personal and meaningful as the life it celebrates. Whether you choose to scatter ashes or keep them close, there are many beautiful ways to honour your loved one’s memory.

Scattering Ashes: A Gentle Farewell

Scattering ashes is a symbolic and heartfelt way to release your loved one back to nature. You can:
• Cast ashes into the wind using a scattering tube
• Let them wash away in a flowing river or at the shoreline
• Create a garden feature or memorial space at home
Before scattering, you may wish to say a few words. Sharing a brief story, a cherished memory, or a favourite quote can bring comfort and connection to the moment.

Keeping Ashes Close

If scattering doesn’t feel right for you, there are other meaningful options:
• Place ashes in a decorative urn and keep them at home
• Inter them at a local cemetery or memorial garden
• Choose a biodegradable urn for a natural burial
These choices allow you to keep your loved one nearby or create a permanent place of remembrance.

Personalising the Farewell

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to saying goodbye. Whether you hold a private moment in your garden or a shared ceremony with family and friends, what matters most is that it feels true to you.
At Unique Rituals, we support families in creating bespoke memorials and ceremonies that reflect the spirit of the person who has died. From scattering ashes to planning a personalised funeral, we’re here to guide you with compassion and care.

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What To Expect At A Graveside Service

A graveside service can follow a traditional funeral, can precede a memorial service, or can be a stand-alone event. The service will be held at the graveside, or at the crypt where the body or cremated remains will be interred.

The funeral officiant will likely recite prayers or readings, a eulogy may be delivered, and the body will be lowered into the ground or placed in the crypt.

In many cultures it is customary to have guests participate in shovelling dirt into the grave.

You can have music or live singers/musicians if you wish.

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So what does a Funeral Celebrant do?

You would normally choose your celebrant according to the amount of spirituality or religiosity you want to include. Your Priest would supply the traditional religious service; a Humanist would offer a service that may include no religious content at all; and a Civil Funeral Celebrant will tailor-make a service to reflect your and your family’s beliefs. It can have the music, readings – also, readers – that you want. Usually, it will be a celebration of life.

The fact is that there is flexibility and it is unique to you.

Funeral celebrants will make an appointment to visit you and find out what your needs are. They will be able to explain what will take place at the funeral and help put your mind at ease. Civil Celebrants will question you about your loved one, and try and build up a picture of them for use in the eulogy (assuming there is one).

Ceremonies can be created for funerals at crematoria, cemeteries (natural or otherwise), and also for memorial dedications, graveside tributes or scattering of ashes.

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What is Bereavement?

Bereavement is the experience of losing someone important to us. It is characterised by grief, which is the process and the range of emotions we go through as we gradually adjust to the loss.

Losing someone important to us can be emotionally devastating – whether that be a partner, family member, friend or pet. It is natural to go through a range of physical and emotional processes as we gradually come to terms with the loss. See our page on experiences of grief for information about the types of feelings that are common during the grieving process.

Bereavement affects everyone in different ways, and it’s possible to experience any range of emotions. There is no right or wrong way to feel.